It's official. President Barack Obama has nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to replace retiring Justice John Paul Stevens on the Supreme Court. Most experts are anticipating a smooth confirmation process leaving just one big question: Will Ms. Kagan's decidedly negative comments about Supreme Court confirmation hearings have any affect on her own?

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Too often the great legal abstractions involved in a Supreme Court decision obscure the basic human drama at the core of the case. Amid the frenzied and breathless analysis of today's High Court ruling on affirmative action, reverse discrimination, and disparate impact is a very basic and compelling story of one very tenacious man's fight to get something he rightfully and fairly earned with immense sweat, struggle, and toil.

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Greetings, fellow comrades!

Today I present you with the fundamental requirements necessary to being a liberal. The following is intended to act as a starting guide in your quest to join the ranks of great liberals such as George Soros, Arianna Huffington, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Sean Penn, Karl Marx and Janeane Garofalo. After reading this quick tutorial it is imperative that you discontinue thinking for yourself. Any and all further information you receive must be obtained from the Democratic National Committee, President Obama, Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid. I have also presented, issue by issue, the basic response arsenal necessary to combat the evil Republicans. The following should be committed to memory:

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