President Barack Obama's euphemistically named Bipartisan Health Care Summit is just hours away. Rarely have so many anticipated so little from so few, but the media (and many news junkies) are treating this summit as some sort of political super bowl. And so for those who wish to follow along at home, we offer this brief guide to the who, what, when, where, and how. We'll leave the why up to you to figure out.

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The Time: The summit will begin at 10:00am Thursday morning and last for 6 hours with a break for lunch.

The Place: The event will be held at Blair House, the official state guest house for the President of the United States located just across the street from the White House. Unlike President Obama's usual staging, him at a podium on an elevated platform speaking down to his audience, all participants will be seated at tables in a hollow square setup as requested by Republicans. (source)

The Coverage: Live television coverage begins at 9:45am ET on C-SPAN3, C-SPAN.org and C-SPAN Radio. You can also follow live coverage on Twitter, Facebook and the C-SPAN Radio iPhone App. If you can't get enough during the day, tune in for primetime gavel-to-gavel rebroadcasts on C-SPAN and C-SPAN2. (source) Barring any actual breaking news, it's a safe bet that there will be plenty of coverage on the cable news channels as well.

The Attendees: In addition to President Obama, Vice President Biden and Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius; lawmakers invited by the White House are:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada)
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky)
Senate Majority Whip Richard Durbin (D-Illinois)
Senate Minority Whip Jon Kyl (R-Arizona)
Senator Max Baucus (D-Montana)
Senator Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa)
Senator Tom Harkin (D-Iowa)
Senator Mike Enzi (R-Wyoming)
Senator Chris Dodd (D-Connecticut)
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-California)
House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Maryland)
House Minority Leader John Boehner )R-Ohio)
House Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-South Carolina)
House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Virginia)
Representative Charles Rangel (D-New York)
Representative Dave Camp (R-Michigan)
Representative Henry Waxman (D-California)
Representative Joe Barton (R-Texas)
Representative George Miller (D-California)
Representative John Kline (R-Minnesota)
Representative John Dingell (D-Michigan)
Senator Ron Wyden (D-Oregon)

The White House also asked the top four congressional leaders (Reid, McConnell, Pelosi and Boehner) to invite four more lawmakers each to attend. Those additional attendees are:

Senator Lamar Alexander (R-Tennessee)
Representative Rob Andrews (D-New Jersey)
Senator John Barrasso (R-Wyoming)
Representative Xavier Becerra (D-California)
Representative Marsha Blackburn (R-Tennessee)
Representative Charles Boustany (R-Louisiana)
Senator Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma)
Representative Jim Cooper (D-Tennessee)
Senator Kent Conrad (D-North Dakota)
Senator John McCain (R-Arizona)
Senator Patty Murray (D-Washington)
Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-West Virginia)
Representative Peter Roskam (R-Illinois)
Representative Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin)
Senator Chuck Schumer (D-New York)
Representative Louise Slaughter (D-New York)

Various staff members will be seated around the room behind the lawmakers.

The Agenda: Opening remarks by the president will be followed by remarks from a Republican chosen by the GOP leadership and a Democrat chosen by that party's leadership. Mr. Obama will then moderate discussion on the following themes:

• Controlling Costs - introduced by Mr. Obama
• Insurance Reforms - introduced by Ms. Sebelius
• Reducing The Deficit - introduced by Mr. Biden
• Expanding Coverage - introduced by Mr. Obama

The Menu: Rumor has it the buffet lunch will feature chicken and salmon. (source)

Expected Results: Taxpayer provided chicken and salmon will be consumed.